so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize