She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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