The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
