btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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