just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
