I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
