KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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