Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
