Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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