so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
