hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize