I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize