yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
