I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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