i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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