I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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