At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I would ride that face into the sunset
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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