it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty