I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.