I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.