I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.