If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.