Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask