The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
