i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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