you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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