The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
