remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.