She is in my trunk
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
well, you know. whores of a feather.