Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.