i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?