happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
where does the pee come out of this thing
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️