Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do vagina's smell?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme