47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush