I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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