I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize