You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
