I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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