I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
