I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
