...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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