When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize