You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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