I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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