Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...