Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap

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  (541): So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap http://tfl.nu/9u2o
  Replies (31) Good night (1081) Bad night (4452)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

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  (918): I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1tot
  Replies (16) Good night (3899) Bad night (1228)
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  (408): View more from California

  that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it

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  (408): that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it http://tfl.nu/gsrb
  Replies (5) Good night (3872) Bad night (884)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.

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  (778): We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's. http://tfl.nu/nlsl
  Replies (12) Good night (2948) Bad night (1071)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?

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  (425): Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet? http://tfl.nu/nobj
  Replies (5) Good night (3120) Bad night (1020)
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  (631): View more from New York

  he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him

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  (631): he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him http://tfl.nu/2wji
  Replies (15) Good night (2159) Bad night (1089)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just took the cheapest shot in your honor

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  (304): I just took the cheapest shot in your honor http://tfl.nu/u3ke
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (426)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow

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  (203): The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow http://tfl.nu/7yz5
  Replies (7) Good night (695) Bad night (1057)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.

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  (303): I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION. http://tfl.nu/audf
  Replies (3) Good night (1439) Bad night (477)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it

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  (573): Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it http://tfl.nu/6pfl
  Replies (4) Good night (935) Bad night (341)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there

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  (801): Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there http://tfl.nu/7057
  Replies (3) Good night (520) Bad night (360)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.

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  (865): I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/8bn2
  Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (360)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  So when can I meet her?

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  (505): There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker. (1-505): So when can I meet her? http://tfl.nu/qfle
  Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (274)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.

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  (870): I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much. http://tfl.nu/q81h
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans

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  (409): We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans http://tfl.nu/zl8l
  Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (195)

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