im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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