Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...

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  (586): Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him... http://tfl.nu/q62j
  Replies (15) Good night (877) Bad night (1201)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (9344) Bad night (2461)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons

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  (202): all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons http://tfl.nu/n087
  Replies (15) Good night (6473) Bad night (983)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving

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  (972): Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving http://tfl.nu/e1pp
  Replies (13) Good night (4866) Bad night (1236)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..

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  (412): You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off.. http://tfl.nu/ermc
  Replies (14) Good night (5107) Bad night (1525)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

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  (914): Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos http://tfl.nu/qe5u
  Replies (33) Good night (2841) Bad night (5138)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.

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  (708): bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not. http://tfl.nu/0qt3
  Replies (12) Good night (6488) Bad night (1019)
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  (951): View more from California

  apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

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  (951): apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex. http://tfl.nu/6011
  Replies (10) Good night (2374) Bad night (1161)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.

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  (801): Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face. http://tfl.nu/qeig
  Replies (6) Good night (4092) Bad night (1357)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...

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  (303): Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"... http://tfl.nu/l31e
  Replies (7) Good night (1562) Bad night (587)
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  (415): View more from California

  Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you

  (831): View more from California

  He's CUTE. and foreign

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  (415): Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you (831): He's CUTE. and foreign http://tfl.nu/untm
  Replies (2) Good night (1197) Bad night (481)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.

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  (859): I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it. http://tfl.nu/qtph
  Replies (9) Good night (802) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Our relationship needs a sober moment

  (1-719): View more from Colorado

  I'll call you when that happens

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  (719): Our relationship needs a sober moment (1-719): I'll call you when that happens http://tfl.nu/srmb
  Replies (0) Good night (578) Bad night (340)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.

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  (479): I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal. http://tfl.nu/vh0f
  Replies (0) Good night (900) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You should've introduced yourself

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  (313): Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him" (248): You should've introduced yourself http://tfl.nu/iy2p
  Replies (4) Good night (766) Bad night (219)

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