stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered