Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.

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  (925): it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee. http://tfl.nu/9pjs
  Replies (6) Good night (493) Bad night (886)
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  (858): View more from California

  I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest

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  (858): I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest http://tfl.nu/rx4r
  Replies (4) Good night (1678) Bad night (422)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag

  (817): View more from Texas

  could you get any more awkward?

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  (817): you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag (817): could you get any more awkward? http://tfl.nu/636d
  Replies (8) Good night (1141) Bad night (4450)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

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  (519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5
  Replies (15) Good night (6879) Bad night (1083)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.

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  (360): I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/s6gu
  Replies (17) Good night (4803) Bad night (1090)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK

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  (660): There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK http://tfl.nu/9rna
  Replies (10) Good night (1331) Bad night (2951)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk

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  (757): sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk http://tfl.nu/2uta
  Replies (9) Good night (2276) Bad night (1282)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.

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  (309): JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap. http://tfl.nu/l0kn
  Replies (8) Good night (2082) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list

  (989): View more from Michigan

  haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters

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  (810): hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list (989): haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters http://tfl.nu/iy12
  Replies (11) Good night (1442) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.

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  (832): Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs. http://tfl.nu/d8k3
  Replies (0) Good night (910) Bad night (312)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot

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  (775): Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot http://tfl.nu/cjjt
  Replies (5) Good night (996) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.

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  (586): I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman. http://tfl.nu/wow9
  Replies (2) Good night (513) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?

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  (859): Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut? http://tfl.nu/nfyo
  Replies (13) Good night (675) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.

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  (219): I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo. (1-219): secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world. http://tfl.nu/oy0x
  Replies (0) Good night (318) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.

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  (512): Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss. http://tfl.nu/t3a0
  Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (297)

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