Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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