sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.