so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?