I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
