you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
