Cold hands, warm shart.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
