we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
