Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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