if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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