god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
