Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize