Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize