No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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