she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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