Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
