Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize