Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
