I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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