great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.