I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level