Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?