I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.