Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules